Simon Roberts is Dream Terrorist

Month

June 2013

12 posts

Twitter vs Female Protagonists in Video Games

femfreq:

Thanks #XboxOne #E3 press conference for revealing to us exactly zero games featuring a female protagonist for the next generation.

— Feminist Frequency (@femfreq)

June 10, 2013

Above is a tweet I made this afternoon in reaction to the fact that none of the games presented at Microsoft’s Xbox One E3 press conference featured female protagonists. Below are some of the Twitter replies to that observation which exemplify the male privilege and male entitlement endemic in the gaming community today. This is also a window into what it’s like to be a female video game critic on twitter.

These were originally presented without comment. They’re mostly just strawman arguments and sexual abuse, but I thought a few of them were thought-provoking.

4. @DavidBostock93

image

The first time I read this, I thought it meant like rolling a d20 to hit in a tabletop game. Now I’ve got a mental image of some dude going “HELL YES I’M A ROLLER” and throwing the dice like a Vegas bigshot while a female GM just calmly tosses a natural 20 and tells him his warlord is at negative five hit points.

25. @Pootslap

image

I thought it was interesting how half the results on google for “man with boobs” are about men working out so as to negate the “manboob” look which tends to come with being overweight. Who’s got body-type self-image issues now, suckers?

26. @Pokefan1223

image

One wonders if “pokefan” has ever gone on a message board and ranted about how his favourite series has been ruined forever because it gives you the option to select your gender now.

Jun 11, 201314,782 notes
#combat rolls #men with boobs #ruined forever
Jun 6, 20133 notes
#thanks pash #pash is great
hotline miami

I’ll let you know as soon as it goes back on sale! ;D

Jun 6, 20131 note
Waxworks

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 10+ | fuck you

I looked it up on google images and it looks TREMENDOUS. Probably like a low-res Amnesia, or a heightened Shadowgate maybe? Those are p.good games too, so I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.

Jun 6, 2013
FEAR

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 10+ | fuck you

Never played it! Is it any good?

Jun 6, 2013
Ask me questions about game design philosophy that weren't on that meme list thingy! → simonbobx.tumblr.com

DO WHAT IT SAYS, WE HAVEN’T GOT A LOT OF TIME

Jun 6, 2013
#do it #dooooooo iiiiiiiiiit
I'm just gonna answer these, nobody ever puts stuff in my askbox
  • 1: Do you try to stay away from walkthroughs?
  • Usually I'll try to beat a game for the first time without any help, but sometimes shit just makes NO DAMN SENSE and then I'm like "ok gamefaqs time." Part of this is because I like to think the experience should be mine and mine alone, but also I grew up when your only sources of game help were expensive-ass books or magazines, as well as unreliable friends. Even now I'm somewhat unused to the phenomenon of just hitting up the interwebs and immediately being served full walkthroughs and cheat codes in a matter of seconds. (Also, the parable of the time I stayed the fuck away from spoilers for SMRPG and then beat it in a weekend anyway.)
  • 2: Company you're always loyal to?
  • I guess sort of the big N but not really, I mean I don't own a Virtual Boy so I can't be that much of a loyalist.
  • 3: Best game you've ever played?
  • Chrono Trigger.
  • 4: Worst game you've ever played?
  • Something called "Doc Clock and the Toasted Sandwich of Time". It came with one of those indie bundles and it was just terrible in every way, shape, and form.
  • 5: A popular series/game you just can't get into no matter how much you try?
  • I really WANT to be a big fan of the Metal Gear series, but it's so much WORK. I feel bad when I can't beat an area without resorting to outright murder -- kinda seems like the opposite of what a stealth game should be. But then I spend like an hour trying to hide from soldiers and getting caught and I can't get the stupid alert/evade counter to go down and AGH THIS GAME IS TERRIBLE. I started playing MGS3 just a little while ago and it doesn't even have radar! How am I supposed to sneak past these gits without radar? MAKES NO SENSE I TELL YA.
  • 6: A game that's changed you the most?
  • I remember playing Eternal Darkness for the first time and thinking, why don't all games do this? Changing the experience and messing with the player on the fly are underutilized concepts.
  • 7: A game you'll never forget?
  • J-Bird. It was a Q*Bert clone on my grandfather's Tandy 1000 and I got to be pretty good at it. Now I hit up the real thing in the arcade and folks are all HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT THIS and I'm just like, straight rollin' years of EXP, kids.
  • 8: Best soundtrack?
  • Somewhere in my room I have two discs of the Final Fantasy 3 soundtrack and it's really great.
  • 9: A game you turn your volume off every time you play it?
  • Dragon Warrior, but only when I'm busy grinding levels. Once I'm ready to whup some scalie butt, it's SOUND ON, BABY.
  • 10: A game you've completely given up on?
  • I will never be brilliant enough to wrap my head around the endless concepts of SpaceChem, and that is okay.
  • 11: Hardest game you've played?
  • Rare used to make some tough titles. Battletoads, of course, but also the 00 missions in GoldenEye were pretty rough. I beat the Train level by turning off the music so I could hear when a door opened behind me in the passenger cars.
  • 12: Shortest time you've beaten a game in?
  • A matter of minutes for "You Have To Cut The Rope."
  • 13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn't released yet?
  • I was SO GODDAMN PUMPED for MadWorld when all we knew about it was "it's a bloodier No More Heroes in black and white!" We all know how that turned out.
  • 14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting?
  • Not really a huge fan of voice acting! It takes longer to listen to someone talk than to quickly scan what they're saying. And they always want to shoehorn it into games where it doesn't belong (remakes of SNES Mario and Zelda titles come to mind.) That said, maybe some voices would be cool in Nethack, I dunno.
  • 15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover?
  • Remember that hypothetical Star Fox/Metroid rumour? That'd be great. A little solitary investigation, a little space rail shooter action, it'd be wicked if they managed to do it right and keep it balanced.
  • 16: Character you've hated most? From what game?
  • SHUT UP WAKA SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH AND STOP PLAYING THE FLUTE I AM A WOLF AND ALSO A SUN GOD I WILL BITE YOU.
  • 17: What game do you never tell people you play?
  • I'm usually open about what I'm playing -- heck, my Steam profile lists it right out in public for me. I'm more likely to avoid telling people I DON'T play something, like if everyone's going on about how great Fire Emblem is, I keep my yap shut about how I'm not really super into that kind of grid-based strategy whatever.
  • 18: A game you wish your friends knew about?
  • More of you should get DEFCON so we can enjoy thermonuclear war together.
  • 19: Which game do you think deserves a revival?
  • StarTropics! Can't get enough of that tile-hoppin' island adventure. Maybe StarTropics 3 can actually take place in the southern hemisphere again, instead of randomly wandering through semi-fictionalized time periods.
  • 20: What was the first video game you ever played?
  • Tron light cycles (aka "SNAFU") on the Intellivision.
  • 21: How old were you when you first played a video game?
  • I was three, or so. I distinctly remember my uncle's carpeted basement, the console which belonged to his stepdaughter, classics like Astrosmash and Beauty & The Beast occupying my mind.
  • 22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do?
  • I'd adjust the world to use Mario 64 physics, go to the National Gallery, and spend the whole day jumping in and out of paintings... saving the Jackson Pollock for last, of course.
  • 23: Biggest disappointment you've had in gaming?
  • The ending of the original Adventure Island.
  • 24: Casual, Hardcore, or in the middle?
  • Transcendant of your pithy labels. (Probably closer to hardcore, tho.)
  • 25: Be honest; have you ever used cheats (like ActionReplay or Gameshark)?
  • Are you kidding? EVERYONE had a Game Genie in the NES days. In fact I think I have two right now. INFINITE JUMPS ON INFINITE LIVES. Your day can be no finer.
  • 26: Handheld or console?
  • A voice shouts from within the chasm, "what about PC?!" Really, it's all good. I play a little of everything.
  • 27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry?
  • When the horse fell down the cliff in Shadow of the Colossus. I shed a single manly tear and then went to fucking murderize the last of the jackasses. Then I walked out and saw it TOWERING THE FUCK OVER ME and I was like "aww, shee-it" and ran like a bitch from its insane lightning bolts. That was fun, if bittersweet.
  • 28: Which character's clothes do you wish you owned the most?
  • Gordon Freeman's HEV suit. I would use it when I barbecue.
  • 29: Which is more important, gameplay or story?
  • Well, without at least the semblance of a storyline, your game is meaningless time-filler. But without actual game design, you might as well be reading a book. And of course many games can generate their own oral traditions (especially roguelikes and simulations) without having an immediate plot programmed in. So I'd say gameplay is GENERALLY more important, with the caveat that if you're gonna make an adventure/RPG/FPS/anything that holds the player's hand rather than giving them total free reign, you'd better have something meaningful to glue it all together.
  • 30: A game that hasn't been localized in your country that you think should be localized?
  • Live-A-Live, which I gushed about a few posts ago.
Jun 6, 201323,370 notes
#vidya gaems #game design philosophy #baseball sure is a funny game
I Against I Bad Brains

texas-is-the-reason:

“I Against I” by Bad Brains

Jun 6, 2013139 notes
“If a prison had a press conference room, this would have been it.” —Dave Lozo’s Tumblr Page He Will Eventually Delete: One man’s perspective on dealing with John Tortorella for four years 
Jun 3, 201338 notes
#NHL #hockey #torts #baseball sure is a funny game
YAAAAAWN.

Reblog this if you just yawned too.

Jun 2, 20131 note
#yawn #yawning #yaaaaaaaaawn
Jun 2, 201367 notes
#NHL #lakers #realtalk I picked the lakers to lose in the cup final this year
Jun 1, 20134 notes
#duck duck quack #bark bark bark

May 2013

70 posts

Yep, The Clap sure forgot to turn on his Poker subroutine.

I do kinda like that they moved him another seat over — in the original, you could put in an okay-sized bet, and half the time Max would raise you, forcing the less confident players to fold. Then he’d turn over his cards and have some rags and you’d wallop him. I’d be interested in playing a Poker Night remix where any four characters could be at your table, forcing you to adapt to their strategies in a positioning context.

May 31, 2013
Sam And Max: Season 1.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | +10 | fuck you

SAM THINK OF ALL THE HAMDINGERS WE COULD BUY WITH THAT MONEY.

Frankly, Sam’s been gettin’ on my nerves lately. He somehow manages to amass fortunes despite making wonky calls, he doesn’t seem to bluff the same way everyone else does, and his tells are frankly inscrutable. He’s like a hardmode version of Tycho from the first game. While I was trying to finish out my last couple of bounty items, I kept running up against him heads-up, and he just kept winning out — at one point the blinds were something like 1800-3600 and he eventually finished me by flopping trips on a 10-8 offsuit or something. Brock and Ash both display untimely inflated aggression, and Claptrap clearly has no idea what he’s doing at all, which makes it easy to KO them just by waiting patiently for a halfway decent hand or flop, but Sam, man, he’s got a tiny and/or elongated horseshoe hidden up that hat, I’m sure of it. Plus, because he keeps going deep in the tournaments, I feel like I’ve heard all of his interactions with everybody else a dozen times, whereas there’s probably stuff between the other three that I’ve never even had a chance to hear because they keep going all-in with unsuited mid-connectors and getting crushed by my big slick.

Anyway, it’s neat that the Freelance Police have stuck around for 25 years now. Imagine if Strong Bad is still answering emails in 2028. That would kinda blow my mind, a little bit.

May 31, 20133 notes
#Sam & Max #Poker Night 2 #sorry I had to go on a rant there #sorry for party rocking #technologic
Persona 4:Arena

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | +10 | fuck you

Based on what I can tell from my tumblr dashboard, Persona 4 is a game about hanging out with your high school buddies and then giving them cool outfits to wear. I’ve heard that there’s a combat system, but I’ve never seen it. I also heard that the combat was changed to make it less autonomous after Persona 3? Basically, my entire view of the series is warped, because I’ve never been in close enough proximity to it to really get a feel for what it’s like. At times it even seems like it might be an insidious plot to move dating sims to the western mainstream.

Anyone I follow who posts a lot of P4 pics: please take more shots of battles and stuff if you want me to stop assuming all of the above, which I freely recognize is probably almost entirely wrong in every way!

May 31, 2013
#Persona 4: Arena #it also doesn't help that I don't own a vita
Agh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you with that version, it was meant as a friendly joke. 8C ...of course I should have thought about not giving it to you in public, then, ahhah...

Oh, I wasn’t embarrassed, I thought it was funny :D it’s just I remember being like ARF ARF RARWAR MY OPINION IS THE MOST IMPORTANT and then I was all, man, what was I even doin’, straight tryin’ to cram my opinion down everybody’s throat. You could’ve been like “omg we shall have an EAST/WEST RAP FEUD” but instead you went along with it, which proves you are awesome. Heck, if you weren’t so awesome, there wouldn’t even be an OFF translation and our lives would be poorer for it! So yes yeah, no worries, we cool holmeslice.

May 31, 2013
#'holmeslice' #the typo that became a term of endearment
Live-A-Live

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | +10 | fuck you

My favourite things in video games include time travel, nonstandard uses of standardized engines and design elements, subtle reoccurrences which might not even be noticed the first time through the game, opportunities to play as villains, and multifaceted mission parameters allowing for multiple approaches to situations. Live-A-Live has all of these and then some. There are so many things going on in this game, it’d take a whole series of posts just to get through the mandatory stuff without even scratching the surface of the optional bonuses: sidequests, bosses, hidden dungeons and weapons and oh my goodness gracious it’s all just packed. Even the alternate ending has its own alternate ending! It’s super amazingly good and everybody should download the patch and play it.

May 31, 20133 notes
#Live-A-Live #SO GOOD YOU GUYS
fallout 3

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | +10 | fuck you

Straight up: I haven’t played it ever. I see people raving about it all the time, and I do sorta dig the combat system they came up with, but I can’t get behind the whole “everything sucks and you’re just tryin’ to make your way in this crazy new world without getting boned” thing. I guess I just prefer my post-apocalyptic hellscapes to be a little more Half-Life 2 (“humanity endures in the face of overwhelming threats”).

May 31, 20131 note
#Fallout 3 #tl;dr that 7 is mostly based on youtube videos and tweets from Falcon24 et al
OFF the one you got your own version for

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | +10 | fuck you

OFF in general is a great game, and if we weren’t being specific about the version I’d give it a 10. To be honest, I only played through to the first meeting with Zacharie in Zone 1, just to see him with the “wrong” name. I feel kind of silly about the whole thing now, but I also imagine that this is how people who have opinions about stuff like “Yokuba/Fassad” from Mother 3 feel? So it’s nice to have that little extra perspective under my belt. Mostly I’m just waiting on the next big translation release before I do another full run, since I’m in the middle of maybe five different new games at the moment.

May 31, 2013
#OFF (game) #it was funny too tho #that's the main thing to remember
super noah's ark 3d

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | +10 | fuck you

Yeah, yeah, it’s funny because it’s a terrible game and was made by christians. I just can’t get over how many good DooM conversions there were (ALIENS was fucking fantastic!) but all anybody ever seems to want to talk about is how Jesus can’t program decent level design. I have absolutely no opinion on a game that nobody would even know existed if it weren’t for the proliferation of rom download sites that insist on putting all twelve versions of every game ever made on their servers with useful acronyms like “(UE1)” and “J-2-alpha”.

May 31, 20132 notes
#super 3D noah's ark #I just #I don't even care
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